She had stayed up all night.
Why, she had no clue. Initially it had been coz she couldn’t sleep; there was so much playing on her mind. Gradually, her heart raced and the anxiety caught up. She sighed and got out of bed, knowing that a gentle stupor was the last thing she could achieve just yet. Glancing at her phone – whose fervent beeping she’d ignored about an hour ago – she walked towards the window and stared at the inky sky.
The moon shone through the darkness, illuminating the world with its glassy luminescence. Everything looked prettier. Everything was still. The world slept soundly and its gentle breathing drew her out onto the verandah. The cool morning air nipped at her bare skin; she could feel Winter tenderly caress her as it announced its arrival. The soles of her feet embraced the cold floor while joyous goosebumps erupted on her forearms.
There was something so beautifully pure about this cold, pale world that lay before her in monochrome; as though along with colour, it had been stripped of all worry and complications. It was a fairly simpler world – black and white scattered with a few shades of grey. As though all decisions taken here would be crystal clear and all choices made would be right.
Oh, to exist in such simplicity would be so…
Her own thoughts took her by surprise, lifting a veil of false perfection. It revealed a world shrouded in darkness and despair; one that craved light and the life it instilled. The absence of colour made it seem forced and rigid – as though devoid of vigour and free will. Everything looked plain. Everything was lifeless. The silence that had then appealed to her now left her in want of commotion. She wanted confusion. She wanted chaos. She wanted the world to be raw and vulgar and unapologetically real. She wanted to be that world. She wanted to be in control, yet simultaneously flow down the unending river of self-discovery. She wanted to consciously let it all be.
Was that asking for too much? Was it practical? Did it even make sense? It didn’t matter, she realised. What did was that she had been looking at a thing of pure, crystalline beauty and seen past the disappointing facade.
Inhaling the cool air that now seemed to lack fragrance, she walked back into her room. She smiled and gladly curled up next to her demons, who welcomed her into the chaos with open arms.